Sometimes I feel like I would like to put it all on hold. I am involved in so many, I have so many projects in my schedule. Even finding a girlfriend I put in my schedule. It was more convenient than going to prostitutes.
Sometimes I just want to take a break from my life, sit down on a deck chair with a really old book in my hand and order the butler to bring me a light cocktail that I’m not even allowed to drink.
Sometimes I feel like I would like rereading Cuore – a child’s heart, because in my heart there is still a heart, a child’s heart. After all, when we have parents, we are still children, and I thank God that I still have.
Sometimes I feel like I would like to tell 14-faced people what I think about them, and lately I’ve started to refrain from telling them my personal opinion about what I see, what I feel, who I am, what they are. And I close in myself in that sense. But then I produce more, then I write more, then my blood flows through my veins more and faster.
Sometimes I want to believe that after this world there is nothing and there is no point in believing in Divinity.
Sometimes I want to think that it’s a complex jungle, a kind of math-complicates problem this life, a problem that I can solve, but it’s hard for me, I don’t understand anything about its practicability anymore.
Sometimes I become cold, unfeeling, and restrain my desires.
Sometimes I’m not human, but just a machine, a machine that eats, defecates, produces money to eat, live, and pay taxes to the state!